I have an injured knee... I smashed it with a kettlebell, while making push presses...
Yes, I train CROSSFIT... It is amazing, and I get to compete with other poeple. I am not always good, but sometimes I am.
But it is true, that I love to be sad. Maybe more than the normal poeple.
I miss being in love. It is so exating, so thrilling and so refreshing. It is also painful and sad. Love always brings me pain...actually, being love brings me evne more. You have expectations, that most of the time don't meet reality.
A while ago I started thinking about one of my ex-boyfriends(M), with who I split up, in order to be with my current (at the time) boyfriend(S). So, did I make a mistake... Did i in fact loose a really worthy person. Not that my other boyfriend wasn't and still isn't great... Either way I lost.
So, now that I met a guy , who looks a lot like my ex-boyfriend, I can't stop thinking that he feels the same way about me, as my ex felt... Let's face it, this new gay with familiar face,isn't into me... but I can't figure out, whether I am or I am not into him.
I don't want to be with anybody right now, but they expect me to be. Mother, grandmothers, who want their precious son to have a nice girlfriend.
I just want to find a really great guy, have a nice summer, be in love, and then be alone again. This is what I need. Oh God, I am only 21 and yet I feel 41...I don't want to feel like I am married, but at some point of the relationship, it's inevitable....
I just want to feel alive and this is the only way... I may sound like a hore or something like that , but if you can be sincere enough with yourselves, you will have to make the same confession.
It is just that I am in a really dark place right now, at least concerning my sexual and intimate live, and I write really angry things.
So, I don't post this in order to upset someone. I just don't have anyone that I can really talk to. So I write. It's more uncomplicated.
So, you, stay the hell out, I just want to write
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